Something that no one talks about in the parenting community is that most likely you will get postpartum depression. It's shockingly common and totally sucks. However, if you do experience this do whatever you need to do to care for yourself and know you will be fine.
Some people have horrible experiences with it. Non stop crying, no interest in their kid, thoughts of suicide or running away. Some don't even know they're going through it. Some are like me, a person who has grappled with depression their entire lives and take precautions to avoid it through medication and awareness. In any case it still occurs and it sucks.
I have dealt with depression since I was 10. Early on to realize that life sorta sucks sometimes, right? Yeah, I know. Depression blows no matter how you slice it. It's annoying and tiring and cliche. It's hard to be around and hard to understand. It's gross. With my background dealing with what was at times debilitating depression, I was incredibly nervous about the idea of having postpartum. Terrified in fact.
I was honest with my doctor. Come to think of it, it was probably the first time I had been completely forthcoming with any physician ever! No one over the age of 21 is totally truthful when it comes to your yearly check up, and if you're thinking "nuh uh! I am!' then you're lying right now to yourself which is also a problem so look into it!
Anytime a doctors asked me about drinking, the answer was "maybe once a week! I don't know, I'm not a big drinker!" When in truth I probably still had Kamikazee shot breath from the evening before. Smoke? What are you crazy doc? Wait...do you mean cigarettes? Or pot? Because pot is totally fine, right?! Cigs? Gross...unless I'm drunk and high. Other drugs? This interview is over sir, thankyouverymuch!
About depression though I was honest because for the first time it wasn't just about me!
I told my OB about my past experiences fully expecting her to click her tongue in judgement and quietly suggest I re-think this whole motherhood thing. But she didn't. She didn't even blink, in fact. She asked if I was on medication currently and to keep her abreast of how I was feeling. She told me it was very important for me to feel stable and happy, and that being on medication is the best choice. She was supportive and open and reassuring and let me know that I wasn't alone.
When I did get postpartum it was 10 and a half months after having my baby. It came on swiftly and hard, right after she weened herself from breastfeeding. It felt lonely and cold, and similar to how my depression had felt before, but I was sadder and everything set me off. It was a very difficult time for my husband and I, but the baby didn't suffer at all. She continued to thrive and babble and try to walk, and I loved her endlessly and unconditionally. I just cried in Target dressing rooms a little more than normal.
Look, here's the scoop. Mental illness if fucking everywhere. It's normal. I think the term "mental illness" is too harsh and overwhelming when it comes to depression or anxiety. It's just being a goddamn human to feel overwhelmed and sad every once in a while. Postpartum depression is also super fucking normal! Dang near inevitable and nothing to be ashamed about! Some of us need to get medication to dig themselves out of the sadness hole sometimes. It's not a big deal.
Depression and anxiety. Let's talk about it, share your experiences, and know that you are not alone. If there are any readers out there who want to message me directly and talk about your experiences I will absolutely be here as a supportive sounding board!
The bottom line is this: you are not alone, you are crushing this mommy thing, and it's quite possible that your butthole will forever be that way.
More on that later.
Some people have horrible experiences with it. Non stop crying, no interest in their kid, thoughts of suicide or running away. Some don't even know they're going through it. Some are like me, a person who has grappled with depression their entire lives and take precautions to avoid it through medication and awareness. In any case it still occurs and it sucks.
I have dealt with depression since I was 10. Early on to realize that life sorta sucks sometimes, right? Yeah, I know. Depression blows no matter how you slice it. It's annoying and tiring and cliche. It's hard to be around and hard to understand. It's gross. With my background dealing with what was at times debilitating depression, I was incredibly nervous about the idea of having postpartum. Terrified in fact.
I was honest with my doctor. Come to think of it, it was probably the first time I had been completely forthcoming with any physician ever! No one over the age of 21 is totally truthful when it comes to your yearly check up, and if you're thinking "nuh uh! I am!' then you're lying right now to yourself which is also a problem so look into it!
Anytime a doctors asked me about drinking, the answer was "maybe once a week! I don't know, I'm not a big drinker!" When in truth I probably still had Kamikazee shot breath from the evening before. Smoke? What are you crazy doc? Wait...do you mean cigarettes? Or pot? Because pot is totally fine, right?! Cigs? Gross...unless I'm drunk and high. Other drugs? This interview is over sir, thankyouverymuch!
About depression though I was honest because for the first time it wasn't just about me!
I told my OB about my past experiences fully expecting her to click her tongue in judgement and quietly suggest I re-think this whole motherhood thing. But she didn't. She didn't even blink, in fact. She asked if I was on medication currently and to keep her abreast of how I was feeling. She told me it was very important for me to feel stable and happy, and that being on medication is the best choice. She was supportive and open and reassuring and let me know that I wasn't alone.
When I did get postpartum it was 10 and a half months after having my baby. It came on swiftly and hard, right after she weened herself from breastfeeding. It felt lonely and cold, and similar to how my depression had felt before, but I was sadder and everything set me off. It was a very difficult time for my husband and I, but the baby didn't suffer at all. She continued to thrive and babble and try to walk, and I loved her endlessly and unconditionally. I just cried in Target dressing rooms a little more than normal.
Look, here's the scoop. Mental illness if fucking everywhere. It's normal. I think the term "mental illness" is too harsh and overwhelming when it comes to depression or anxiety. It's just being a goddamn human to feel overwhelmed and sad every once in a while. Postpartum depression is also super fucking normal! Dang near inevitable and nothing to be ashamed about! Some of us need to get medication to dig themselves out of the sadness hole sometimes. It's not a big deal.
Depression and anxiety. Let's talk about it, share your experiences, and know that you are not alone. If there are any readers out there who want to message me directly and talk about your experiences I will absolutely be here as a supportive sounding board!
The bottom line is this: you are not alone, you are crushing this mommy thing, and it's quite possible that your butthole will forever be that way.
More on that later.
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