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"F**k Mommy!"or From The Filthy Mouth of Babes!

"Fuck, Mommy! Please, fuck, Mom! Mom, fuck, fuck!" said my two and a half year old while watching Zootopia one evening during dinner.

My husband and I looked up from our food/computer and stared at each other wide eyed. Then our our expressions began to change slightly. His look became that of a quiet accusation, and mine, guilt.

Our toddler is saying "fuck" over and over again, and we both know who she heard it from. It is 100% Mommy's fault, and I know it.

Obviously, if you've read previous posts, it's no mystery that I am a person who swears. I swear alllllllll the time, and I always have. As I turn to avoid my husbands gaze of disapproval I flash back to my past filled to the brim with potty mouth behavior.

It all started when I was about two or so. My grandpa was holding me, cooing, making me laugh. And as he came in for a snuggle I flashed a big smile and said, "Fuck bullshit shit dammit!" then let out one of those precious baby laughs …
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5 Of The Weirdest Things People Have Said To Me During This Pregnancy

I don't know exactly what it is about me, but I've always been the type of gal that people think they can just say anything to. Perhaps they think, "She's funny! And has the bone structure of someone who doesn't get offended easily! I think I'll cover her with word vomit!"

This rule of thumb didn't disappoint this pregnancy. So, for your amusement may I present the top five weirdest things people have said to me during this gestation process.

Luckily, I still have about six weeks left so fingers crossed I'll be able to alter this list by then.

5. "Oh my God, are you pregnant? Oh good. I asked a woman that the other day, and she said no and got SO upset!"

This was said to me by a young girl who works in the piano lab where I'm taking classes. She has seen me many times before and we've never had to venture much past "Which room would you like?" and "Great, you have an hour, thanks!" I have liked our interactio…

Mr. Rogers Taught Me About Death

This morning I was hanging out with my little girl. She usually watches an episode of Sesame Street while we get her ready. It's entertaining enough to keep her focus, and distracting enough for us to get her dressed without a struggle.

Today though we actually had some leisure time as she wasn't going to day care and mommy was feeling lazy AF. I decided that maybe we could try something else, as it's gotten painful to re-watch Sesame Street over and over. I'm starting to become like one of those weirdo cinephile folks who can mouth word for word every line in some jaunty art film they worship. Except in my case it's not exactly high art but rather the episode where Elmo is learning how to ride his tricycle.

I flipped through Amazon Prime to see if I could find anything interesting in the kids section. And interesting is exactly what I found. I stumbled across some old episodes of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and immediately put it on. I hoped my kid would be into it, …

A "Geriatric Pregnancy" aka "Wow, You Must Be Old As F**k!"

Recently at a store I frequent I had an interaction with the checker I always chat with. He's a nice guy, young, stoned, friendly. For a dude who's constantly baked his memory is impeccable. He always asks about my daughter, and our dog, Dave, and wants to hear about the thing I told him I was going to do the last time I saw him, etc. You get it.

Just as I was about to say goodbye he asked if he could check out my engagement ring, since he was in the market and wanted some ideas! And even though I fucking hate it when other people do this, I squealed and jumped up and down a little bit. It seems it's an involuntary response. I asked about his girlfriend.

Dude: "She's super cool, very chill for a Caucasian."

Me: "Oh, that's good. Most white people are the worst."

Dude: "She's like a hippie chick, but not a Vegan or anything."

Me: "Thank God."

Dude: "And she wants to have kids one day, which is awesome!"

Me: &quo…

Angela Fink Rocks Hot Momiforms and Can Teach You How To Too!!~

"I truly believe that you should wear things that you feel 100% great in. If you are uncomfortable all day or don't feel confident about a look, don't ever wear it again. You don't have to wear all the trends. Find what works for you. "
Amen sister!
Though I have grown fond of my "momiform" of sweatpants and hi-top Vans on the average day, I have also been known to pull it together when I needed to! Luckily for us moms there is stylist and social media celeb Angela Fink who is proving being a mom doesn't mean you need to frump it up!  Check out this piece on her in Refinery29, and learn how to pull your shit together in a jiffy while still ruling the world!
Also check out her Instagram here. And while you're at it, check out my Instagram here and here.

Into Emotional Cutting? Cool, Read The Giving Tree!

If there is one thing I know about myself it is that I simply can't eat an ice cream sandwich with any sort of dignity.

If there is a second thing I'm sure of, its that I am not emotionally healthy enough to handle the children's book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. That book sends me into a sobbing fit so powerful I need my inhaler to pull me out safely. Every time I open the book I am cutting myself emotionally, and this post is a cry for help.

If you're not familiar with this classic let me give you the cliff notes. It's about a boy and a tree. When the boy is young he loves the tree and hangs with it all the time, and the tree is so happy. They play and he climbs and he eats her apples and sleeps in her shade. The tree even allows the boy to carve their initials into her side that's surrounded by a heart. She loved this boy so much she allowed him to brand her permanently.

Things were pretty awesome for a long time, until the boy got a little older. H…

Mom Get Your Sh*t Together! Beauty Stuff Moms Need!

I am obsessed with make up. It's a "I have a million products and I love it and I'm not slowing down, sorry children you may not go to college but at least Mommy is gorgeous!" kind of obsession. One of the things that kind of sucks about pregnancy is that while others are obligated to say you're glowing, in reality you may just feel like a sweaty, puffy mess. At least I do!

I've been thinking about adding a little beauty hack stuff into this blog. Just products I've found that make me feel beautiful that I'd like to share with my other beautiful readers!

So, without further adieu, I'd like to introduce a blog segment I'm calling:

"Mom, Get Your Shit Together!"

I'll try to do at least weekly product and beauty hacks that I've discovered that make life easier, not harder, and really make you feel great. Because let's be real, you can't drink yourself pretty right now, might as well do something to keep you occupied!

My …