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Showing posts from July, 2017

P.P.D.

9 Phrases That Need To Stop Being Said About Kids Like Five Minutes Ago...

1. "If a boy is mean to you, it means he likes you!"

Uh, no. If a boy is mean to you, maybe it's because he watches an adult male figure in his life be a dick to women so he thinks it totes cool. I like "If he's mean to you, it's because he's hurting really badly on the inside and has a poor role model at home. You deserve to be surrounded by people who make you feel good, and this person is not worth your time!"

2. "She is such a flirt!"

I'm sorry, person in this diner who I don't know at all who is referring to my BABY daughter as a "flirt" because she's smiling in your general direction, please refrain from sexualizing my kids behaviors. Maybe she's just being polite? Maybe she's smiling because you have coleslaw on your face and she thinks it's funny? Let's just stick to "She's adorable!", shall we? Thanks so much.

3. "I bet she's a Daddy's girl, isn't she! All girls …

My Dad

Yesterday, July 5th, my dad, Richard Albert, died.

He was diagnosed with Parkinson's about 12 years ago and from that developed an insidious type of dementia called Lewy Bodies, which causes a lot of physical issues and accelerates the Parkinson's decline. Basically he was served a shit sandwich with a side of fuck my life.

My dad was a quirky guy with a weird sense of humor. He used to play with me by chasing me around the house with a hammer and pretend he was going to smash my little toes. He would pack our lunches with a dog treat that he carefully tin foiled so when we would open it up at lunch all the other kids would laugh and scream. He made us waffles with ice cream in the middle for breakfast and ONLY creamed corn for dinner. He drank buttermilk from the carton. And prune juice.

He was private. He would take hour long poops just to be alone and think. He was a scientist and mathematician. He was always trying to work out these insanely impossible to solve equations i…