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Showing posts from November, 2016

Am I Raising An Asshole? Part Deux

I recently broached the idea of raising Bo to be an only child and weighed my feelings about it in addition to assessing how I felt about other people's feelings about it.
I mentioned in that post that my own mother, Carol, is an only child, and I wanted to get the low down on what it's like to grow up as the only, and a couple of extra, super hard hitting questions to set the tone.


1. Hi there. I understand you are in fact Amy's mom. What was that like? 

To be totally in love with this tiny creature who amazes you more and more and more each day, each year. From the first successful nursing to the first bite of mashed banana, from the first smile, and step, and word, all the way through Delilah Dix and Assistance. And beyond!

2. Amy recently gave birth to baby girl named Bo. What are your true 
feelings about her name?

Her name is brilliant! “Bo,” with the requisite long vowel sound. The simplicity that states, right up front, “I’m here and I’m not some prissy girli…

A Letter to Our Downstairs Neighbor

Dear Downstairs Neighbor,

Welcome to the building/neighborhood! I hope you're adjusting well to the valley and have familiarized yourself with the shops and grocers! Valley Village is a wonderful place to reside, and I'm always here to answer any pressing questions regarding the local fair, so never hesitate to come on up!

You know, speaking of pressing matters, I did have something I wanted to discuss with you, neighbor. I heard from our landlord today and your name was mentioned, and sadly she told us that you made a noise complaint against us. Huge bummer!  She said something about how you, our brand new neighbor who's been here less than two weeks at this point, told her that we were too loud, we "dropped things" on the floor sometimes, and that our baby "cried on occasion" which was incredibly inconvenient for you.

My goodness, wow! I am so sorry we were bothering you so much! Let me be the first to apologize for our garish behavior, and please, gi…

A Beacon of Hope

Dear Humans,

If you're like me and a majority of all the people I know, today, November 9th, 2016 has been a very dark day. The day after the the most unlikely of candidates, Donald Trump, with his hate speech, racism, sexism and gutter class behavior, shocked the nation by claiming the highest position in American government as the President of the United States against who we all revered as our hero, Hillary Clinton. It has left us as an astonished and confused nation in a fog of sadness and anger. It's a weird, awful time.

And on this day, November 9th, 2016, my daughter, Bo, turned 15 months and decided it was time for her first steps on her own. Amongst the blackness, confusion and fear that we were all experiencing there was this lovely, big blue eyed, blonde haired angel of a silver lining toddling her way around my kitchen. It felt like the most perfect analogy ever.

Bo taking her first steps on this, one of the most disheartening days i have ever experienced personall…

Am I Raising An Asshole? Part 1.

My daughter, Bo, is about to turn 15 months. She's so lovely and I have to admit there have been many times when I've mentioned to my husband I would like to have another one, but the fact is she may be the only kid we ever have. I am totally fine with this, since she is completely bad ass and perfect, natch.

When other people ask me if we're thinking about having more kids and I tell them that there's a good chance she'll be my only, I get:
"Oh, come on, she can't grow up without a brother or sister! She'll be lonely!"
or: " You simply cannot deny her the experience of having a sibling! It'll make her weird!"
However the most common is "You can't raise her as an only child, she'll turn out to be an asshole!"

This comment usually comes from someone I either know very, VERY well or someone I have just met who knows I'm a comedian and thinks I'll laugh. Fair enough, well played, and to be honest I usually do. …