If there is a second thing I'm sure of, its that I am not emotionally healthy enough to handle the children's book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. That book sends me into a sobbing fit so powerful I need my inhaler to pull me out safely. Every time I open the book I am cutting myself emotionally, and this post is a cry for help.
If you're not familiar with this classic let me give you the cliff notes. It's about a boy and a tree. When the boy is young he loves the tree and hangs with it all the time, and the tree is so happy. They play and he climbs and he eats her apples and sleeps in her shade. The tree even allows the boy to carve their initials into her side that's surrounded by a heart. She loved this boy so much she allowed him to brand her permanently.
Things were pretty awesome for a long time, until the boy got a little older. He stopped wanting to hang with the tree as much, and when he did he would bring a girl around and they would hook up under the tree, which is weird because the tree was, like, right there watching. Then the boy really pulled a dick move and carved his initials and this other chicks initials ABOVE the other carving as a real howdoyoudo to the tree! I mean, that is some shady shit! But you know what? The tree still loved this kid!
Eventually everything falls apart and the boy disappears for a long time. When he returns after years he's older and moody AF. The tree didn't care though, she was just to pumped to see him. She was like, "Hey, omg, it's you! Climb on me for old times sake and swing from my branches and let's re-live our memories and be happy!" And the boy was like, "No man, that's lame. I need money! Give me money!" And the tree was like, "Oh...you need money? Okay, well I don't have my wallet on me, but I do have these apples so you can take them and sell them and that'll perk you right up, so the next time you come here you'll be happy!" And the boy was all, "Whatever." And he took her apples. Like, alllllllllll of her apples. She didn't make apples anymore because he used them all up, along with her good years. Then he's out again for another long stretch of time.
When he returns next he's pretty busted looking. He kind of comes off like a dude who tried his hand at the stock market but lost it all so he started day drinking and partaking in a bunch of pyramid schemes, all of which failed pretty horribly. But the tree was still super stoked to see him, so she shook and was like, "Hey! Wow, look at you! You know what would make you feel better? A little swing in my branches!" And the boy was all, "Jesus, really? Again with that? I want a house and a wife. You got any of those?" And the tree was like, "Oh...okay, um...I don't have those things here with me at the moment, but, um...well, hey! I got an idea! Why don't you just cut down my branches, take them to build a house, snag yourself a pretty little lady and then you'll chill out and come back here and we can hang! I mean, it's like taking my limbs and stuff, but you're good for it, right?" And the boy was all, "Yeah, whatever, give me your branches." Then he fucking left again!
The next time the comes back he's old and somehow talks her out of her trunk until she's literally just a stump. But by now she's starting to get it, that this boy is kind of a dick. It's just they've been in this pattern of abuse for so long, she already gave up everything, so fuck it I guess.
The last scene of the book the boy returns and he's in his 80's and can't walk without the use of a cane or eat a candy apple to save his life. The tree, er, stump now, is like, "Hey, it's you. Um, listen, you literally took everything from me, and I'm just a stump now, so I have nothing to offer you, sorry."
You'd think that at this point in the story the boy would take a moment to look in the mirror and see what a dick he is, and how he has ruined this trees life by keeping her hanging on all these years! This should be the part of the book where he apologizes and admits to the tree that's he's been in and out of rehab for Oxy abuse for years, and he makes amends, and then we turn out the lights and go to bed. But does he do that? NO! This fucker has the balls to complain about his old ass bones being tired, and SHE LETS HIM SIT ON HER STUMP!
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| HOW?! |
And that's how the book ends!
There are a ton of theories about what this book is really about. It could be about the essence of parenting, how the mother loves her child so much that no matter what she gives him everything she has just so he can be happy. Some think it's the story of greed in America. Some think it's a cautionary tale about hallucinatory drugs, and others think it's Mr. Silverstein's revenge on his parents for naming him Shel. Actually, that last one is my theory, and mine alone. In any case, it's the saddest goddamn thing I've ever laid eyes on and it's very strange to me that it's supposed to be a children's book.
Anyway, the point is I have known that The Giving Tree messes me up for years now, it isn't new information. I don't know why I bought it for my kid in the first place, and even more bizarre is why I have attempted to read it to her a few times. Every time I do it's the same scene. I am pretty strong until I get to the point where he gets older and the tree is alone a lot more, and I start to sob. And not like, "Oh, I'm not crying, there's just dust in my eye!" tears but hard, loud, snot bubble sobs of pain and loss. My daughter always turns her sweet face to me and shoots me a look that's a mix of confusion and "bitch, you need to pull your shit together asap!"
She's right, I really do.
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