holycrapimyourmom

My daughter is right smack dab in the center of being two and she knows it. She's learning and growing so much every day, saying new phrases and performing fantastical physical feats that just a month ago seemed impossible. She impresses the shit out of us all the time with all her new abilities, and she's pretty damn awesome. With the exception of this one new thing she's also started doing, which is mean girl-ing her mom on the reg. And it sucks. What is she doing? you may be asking yourself. Is she going through your high school journal and mocking your heart felt poetry that you scribbled after a hard break up with a guy whose name you can't recall these days?  Is she tormenting you by secretly calling up all your prospective employers anonymously and telling them you have a drug problem just to fuck with you and keep you in a lower income bracket? Is she slowly poisoning your food with arsenic so that you remain in a sickly state just so she can convi...

Michelle Obama is the kind of woman that EVERY person on the planet looks up to. I don't care who you are or where you're from. It's universally acknowledged that Michelle Obama is a freakin' bad ass, total babe, brilliant and can probably beat anybody up. She went to Princeton and Harvard where she slayed, then onto a law firm where she met her husband. Through she wasn't super keen on allowing the universe into their private life, she jumped on board and helped him get elected President. Also, Barack is nutso bonkers for his wife. Like, so into her, it's the sweetest thing ever! Check these pics of them being adorbs. I mean, shut up with this, right?! So cute! Can you picture Melania and whatshisname being all snugly like this without bile rising up in your throat? Yeah, me neither. Gross. Sure Michelle is known for her insane biceps: ...which are very impressive. However she is also known as powerful voice for women's equality, a ...

Minivan. A van, but mini. Even the mention of that word sends shivers down the millennial parents spine. That word conjures up images of dreams lost, sleepless nights, and mandatory bake sales where you're required to be completely sober the entire time. In other words, a living hell. I get it, and I used to feel the same way. Until I realized how insanely sweet driving a mini-van can actually be, IF you do it right! I mean, sure it's safer and more practical for when you have a family, blah, blah, blah, but what parents don't want you to know is that they are living it up in those nerd-mobiles. Here are five reasons why: 1. You Can Glamp In it Camping used to be fun before you had kids thanks to that cooler full of Natty Lights and those mushrooms your cousin Dan found in his childhood desk from when he visited your Aunt last month. But now that kids are in the picture, camping has gone from all day drinking and sleeping bag hookups to stopping your kid from poopin...

One of my goals for this year is dedicating more time to blogging more often. Another goal is to start seriously focusing on celebrating some bad ass mommying on the reg. Let's begin with one of my comedy heroes, beauty icon and kick ass mom: Lucille Ball. Lucille Ball had her first kid a month before she turned 40, and her second at 42. She was also running her own production company, DesiLu Productions, at the time and became a trailblazer for writing her pregnancy into her show, I Love Lucy. During this period in TV having a pregnant woman on screen was as taboo as openly admitting to dating a Scientologist is today. There was a quote somewhere that mentioned being pregnant on screen in the 50's was basically viewed as having sex on screen. Of course today it's rare to not see a set of boobs on the morning news. I know I should put in more effort to find the quote, but I blew my load on all the pics and GIFs. #sorrynotsorry She also got her husband the...

As I am pregnant again I'm eating like a person would when they are pregnant. For instance, this morning I opened a yogurt for my daughter and one for myself. She loves those fancy Noosa yogurts, so we shell out top dollar for that Australian goodness knowing that whatever she doesn't finish we will. Or, I will. Because I did. She was done after three bites, and I finished my yogurt in a total of three bites, so I did what I had to do. Then she wanted apple sauce and sausages, because she's a weird kid. So I made her those things and had some myself. Then I could tell, because I'm a very attentive parent that she was hoping I would treat myself to an ice cream sandwich with peanut butter and capers, so naturally I obliged. I need to set an example for my daughter that her mother is paying attention to her wants and needs! Fast forward to noon and she has persuaded me to eat another yogurt, a half a cucumber with hot sauce on them, three slices of cheese with hot sau...

Yup, it's true. In fact, I'm super knocked up. 25 weeks along. It's happening people. I'm due on April 12th and am having a boy this round, so I've been practicing for the event by having my husband surprise me by randomly peeing in my face when I didn't expect it. I need to work on my reflexes! I'm kidding of course. My reflexes are already really good. I found out about this one just like I found out about the last one: while I was drinking and having a great time, blissfully unaware that a human person was developing in my uterus. However this time I just knew. I knew something was different, was off a little. And I don't know why it occurs to me to take a pee test while gripping a vodka soda, but it seems to be my pattern. When I started telling people I was pregnant again I got less "oh man, your life if over!" comments and more "well, at least you know what to do this time around!" That is not true in any form. I DO NOT ...

Here's one of the episodes of Asshole Parents on Awestruck that we shot, Plane Shame. Enjoy! What are you tales of travel with they little ones? Share them here!