Yup, it's true. In fact, I'm super knocked up. 25 weeks along. It's happening people.
I'm due on April 12th and am having a boy this round, so I've been practicing for the event by having my husband surprise me by randomly peeing in my face when I didn't expect it. I need to work on my reflexes!
I'm kidding of course. My reflexes are already really good.
I found out about this one just like I found out about the last one: while I was drinking and having a great time, blissfully unaware that a human person was developing in my uterus. However this time I just knew. I knew something was different, was off a little. And I don't know why it occurs to me to take a pee test while gripping a vodka soda, but it seems to be my pattern.
When I started telling people I was pregnant again I got less "oh man, your life if over!" comments and more "well, at least you know what to do this time around!" That is not true in any form. I DO NOT know what to do any more than I did the first time around. One of natures jokes when you're a parent and with child is making you so tired you can't hold onto memories of essential things like swaddling and swaying and breast feeding. Oh no, breast feeding. My poor nipples! RIP guys, you made it through by the skin of your teeth last time, but chances are when this fellow gets done with you you'll resemble some discarded chewing gum on a subway track.
Uh oh, what about those other things? The weird mass exodus of my hair about 10 weeks postpartum. The weeping that occurs over the smallest of things. The unforgiving images of things that could potentially hurt your sweet newborn that you need to protect him from. Donald Fucking Trump being the president. Hemorrhoids. You bastards.
So consider this post my birth announcement. I considered getting some pregnancy pictures done. You know the ones. The mom barefoot in a field with a white off the shoulder flowy dress blowing gently in the breeze. She lovingly cradles her belly and gazes down at her soon to be born child as her husband embraces her from behind with a tear of gratitude in his eyes. But that shit is not me. I will, however, take a selfie in my bathroom in a black dress, but it's mainly just to show off my new pink hair.
I'm due on April 12th and am having a boy this round, so I've been practicing for the event by having my husband surprise me by randomly peeing in my face when I didn't expect it. I need to work on my reflexes!
I'm kidding of course. My reflexes are already really good.
I found out about this one just like I found out about the last one: while I was drinking and having a great time, blissfully unaware that a human person was developing in my uterus. However this time I just knew. I knew something was different, was off a little. And I don't know why it occurs to me to take a pee test while gripping a vodka soda, but it seems to be my pattern.
When I started telling people I was pregnant again I got less "oh man, your life if over!" comments and more "well, at least you know what to do this time around!" That is not true in any form. I DO NOT know what to do any more than I did the first time around. One of natures jokes when you're a parent and with child is making you so tired you can't hold onto memories of essential things like swaddling and swaying and breast feeding. Oh no, breast feeding. My poor nipples! RIP guys, you made it through by the skin of your teeth last time, but chances are when this fellow gets done with you you'll resemble some discarded chewing gum on a subway track.
Uh oh, what about those other things? The weird mass exodus of my hair about 10 weeks postpartum. The weeping that occurs over the smallest of things. The unforgiving images of things that could potentially hurt your sweet newborn that you need to protect him from. Donald Fucking Trump being the president. Hemorrhoids. You bastards.
So consider this post my birth announcement. I considered getting some pregnancy pictures done. You know the ones. The mom barefoot in a field with a white off the shoulder flowy dress blowing gently in the breeze. She lovingly cradles her belly and gazes down at her soon to be born child as her husband embraces her from behind with a tear of gratitude in his eyes. But that shit is not me. I will, however, take a selfie in my bathroom in a black dress, but it's mainly just to show off my new pink hair.
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