Recently at a store I frequent I had an interaction with the checker I always chat with. He's a nice guy, young, stoned, friendly. For a dude who's constantly baked his memory is impeccable. He always asks about my daughter, and our dog, Dave, and wants to hear about the thing I told him I was going to do the last time I saw him, etc. You get it.
Just as I was about to say goodbye he asked if he could check out my engagement ring, since he was in the market and wanted some ideas! And even though I fucking hate it when other people do this, I squealed and jumped up and down a little bit. It seems it's an involuntary response. I asked about his girlfriend.
Dude: "She's super cool, very chill for a Caucasian."
Me: "Oh, that's good. Most white people are the worst."
Dude: "She's like a hippie chick, but not a Vegan or anything."
Me: "Thank God."
Dude: "And she wants to have kids one day, which is awesome!"
Me: "That's great!"
Dude: "Yeah, cuz like, I'm 35 so I'm not getting any younger. And she's like, 27, so she has to get on that shit, right? I mean having a kid after 35 can be...bad, right?"
Me: "I had my first baby a couple weeks after I turned 36."
Dude:(in that strained "shit, I just called this super un-chill Caucasian woman old as fuck. Dang, my B" high voice) "Oh, word? Dang, that's cool! 36! Daaaannnnnnng, that's cool!"
Ah, I can't blame the poor guy. He was put on the spot there and I didn't save him. I could've easily done the obligatory, "Yeah, ew, after 35 things get reallllllyyyy gross!" But instead I let him squirm a bit, and I don't feel bad. But honestly, it's not his fault he thinks that, because that's what we're all told. After 35 things can get dicey in the baby making dept for women, and there may be increased risks for certain genetic abnormalities, there can be a higher percentage of complications, etc. Yes, these are things that are true scientifically and might happen.
When I first went in for my pregnancy appt my own beloved OB referred to this current round of knocked-upedness as a "Geriatric Pregnancy". Geri. Atric. Preg. Nancy.
Um, b'scuse me? You know, geriatric as in old AF. As in nursing home old. As in "It's just little shriveled Gertrude, sitting around, having her tea and playing bridge with her girlfriends, getting up every so often with the help of her walker to grab herself an ice cold Ensure" old. What the actual fuck?
So if that's how doctors refer to a women over 35 being pregnant, how could the sweet, stoned checker at this store think anything else? Clearly he paid attention in his high school health class when they detailed how a woman's body, and if we're being honest, fuck-ability factor, declines dramatically after she turns 35, so that's what he knows, right?
This term is extra offensive because what it implies is that a woman's "usefulness" has an expiration date, which is the kind of thinking that has contributed to the blatant sexism and ruling of the tired, boring and misinformed patriarchy that we have gotten so used to over the years. (And no, changing up the term to "Advanced Maternal Age", does not make it any less offensive, but thanks for playing.)
Because we are a society that's obsessed with youth we're not growing or changing to adjust to the actual times in which for the most part women over the age of 35 are just starting to have families, and it seems like that is a trend that's here to stay. Barring any Handmaids Tale kind of major changes that is. But just in case,
Under his eye, Blessed be the fruit.
And to be clear, I'm not saying that it's men's faults that this is still an idea that's being perpetuated, because there are plenty of women who also think it's a bad idea to have a kid when you're older. For example, there was an article in the UK publication The Telegraph about a newscaster who was 45 years old at this point and had already had two kids. The article was about an ad campaign for the pregnancy test company, First Response, that featured a female newscaster who was made up to look like an elderly woman in her 60's or 70's that was pregnant. The intention of this ad was to scare women into having kids earlier in life, because at 45 she couldn't have another child, and the writer of the piece asked if this ad had crossed the line and gone too far. Check out the pic and article here.
And in my mind, obviously yes, the ad had crossed the line. The ad was so far over the line it was in no longer part of the EU. The ad pulled a Brexit.
Okay, so cool, not only do women already feel that looming fear that comes with knowing there is a biological clock ticking, and that(some) are expected by family or whatever to get pregnant at some point, but this asshole has the balls to jump on board and go full Bad Grandpa in order to get the point across that women should start earlier!
I have many questions, like what is this chicks deal? She has two kids now. She also has a career. Things seem to be going fine for her, right? Does she think that if she had more kids earlier in her life that she would even have that job being on TV reading the news? And, oh, if she weren't on TV does she think that First Response would've chosen her to be the person in their ad campaign to begin with? Plus there are woman who are 45 having kids now too! Did she even try? What kind of sweet First Response kick backs was she guaranteed for this ad?
Clearly we don't know what would have happened to her if she had more kids when she was younger, and neither does she, because we don't have a Bill and Ted phone booth/time machine, but frankly who gives a shit? Having another woman and mother participate in this kind of thing is really disheartening IMHO.
It's not the 50's and women are having babies later because they are kicking ass now! Also, and I'm only speaking for myself here, but if I had a baby in my 20's, apparently when First Response and this woman would have preferred me to, there is a strong chance that I would be raising them in a Cleveland Grey Hound terminal making them fake illiteracy for change so can I maintain my "40 and a half top" habit on a daily basis.
What I'm saying is that in my 20's I was a CRAZY person! In fact, please refer to my post When I Was 22...from this very blog. I'll wait while you read it.
Done?
Um, does THAT sound like someone you'd want procreating? Hell naw!
So, while the term geriatric is insulting to say the least, it's also not accurate at this point in time. Not too long ago peoples life expectancies were only around 35 on the top end, so maybe being called a geriatric back then was more appropriate. And while of course I'm not denying what science has proven, which is yes, a woman's body does change a whole hell of a lot after they turn 30 while a man's body just keeps being a semen dispenser for an unfortunate and lengthy amount of time. (As a quick reference to this, check out this article about celebrity men bags 'o' dust who are knocking up women when they are old AF here.) But we also need to factor in that we also have advanced medical technologies and wonderful things like IVF and other fertility treatments that have changed peoples lives dramatically. Oh, and it's none of anyones goddamn business when you choose to have kids. Which is really what this whole thing is about anyway.
In conclusion, calling a woman over 35 who is going to have a baby geriatric may not change in the eyes of the medical industry for a long time, if ever. That's their problem. In the meantime, here are some images of bad ass women who were considered "old" to have a baby when they did, and
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