Can't take us anywhere

"This will be so fun!"

Those have become famous last words around these parts. It usually pertains to an activity or event that we decide we should go to and take our almost 2 year old. We, like idiots, naively think it will inevitably be such a wonderful time that there is NO WAY anything could go wrong or result in an epic meltdown! Because we are amazing parents!

HAHAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA! What a fucking stupid thing to think, dumb dumbs! No, it will be a giant failure that will result in over-imbibing to cope with your frustration in literally every scenario!

The latest dumb shit idea was to take Bo to this free concert series at the park we go to all the time. Like assholes we got her a cookie, which angered her greatly. To display her disdain for our terrible choice to do something we thought she would like, she launched into a fit that will be talked about for years from those who witnessed it. In addition to the sounds she was making, which I'll get into, she also lost all control of her limbs and collapsed on the ground. At the same time it appeared she also gained about 100 pounds because no matter what my husband and I couldn't pick her up! She balled up all that cookie rage and transformed it into dead weight. And then of course there was the screaming. Not "tiny child screaming", but "there is a murder taking place in that windowless van" screaming. Luckily, we were so far away from the music and crowd no one noticed. Oh, wait, no that's not what happened at all. In fact this whole gruesome scene took place literally feet from the stage in clear view of the hundreds of people there, and the band stopped playing for a sec and looked at that family of dick bags who can't manage to leave their homes without it being a shit show. YAY!!!

The following two pictures were able to happen many minutes into the fit when my husband managed to figure out a way to pick her up so we could run from the scene as quickly as possible. Trust me, I would've recorded the whole thing, but I needed both my hands to try to wrestle my bear child.

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