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9 Phrases That Need To Stop Being Said About Kids Like Five Minutes Ago...

1. "If a boy is mean to you, it means he likes you!"

Uh, no. If a boy is mean to you, maybe it's because he watches an adult male figure in his life be a dick to women so he thinks it totes cool. I like "If he's mean to you, it's because he's hurting really badly on the inside and has a poor role model at home. You deserve to be surrounded by people who make you feel good, and this person is not worth your time!"

2. "She is such a flirt!"

I'm sorry, person in this diner who I don't know at all who is referring to my BABY daughter as a "flirt" because she's smiling in your general direction, please refrain from sexualizing my kids behaviors. Maybe she's just being polite? Maybe she's smiling because you have coleslaw on your face and she thinks it's funny? Let's just stick to "She's adorable!", shall we? Thanks so much.

3. "I bet she's a Daddy's girl, isn't she! All girls just LOVE their Daddy's!"

Yup, uh-huh! She's IS a Daddy's girl. She's also a Mommy's girl! Because we're her parents and both had something to do with it, so please stop inadvertently pitting us against each other. She's both of ours.

4. "She doesn't need to be smart, she's so beautiful!"

I will cut you.

5. "Just wait until she's a teenager! You're really in for it then!"

Thanks for this. I was a teenager once, and though I may have been considered challenging at that time, it's not guaranteed that my daughter will emulate my behaviors. Also why aren't you saying that to my friend who's sitting next to me with her son? Is she not in for it? Also, we're all in for it, we are living in a world where Trump is our goddamn president, for the love of Pete! So back off and let me enjoy my time with my kid before he starts a friggin' war with Canada!

6. "I bet she loves dolls!" or "He probably loves playing with trucks!"

Okay, but before I get into how sexist that is, can you please tell me what it was like to transport here though time and space from the 50's? Did you travel in a time machine like Bill and Ted? Are you weirded out that women can vote now? Tell me everything!

7. "One day she and her husband will..."

One, she may not be into dudes. Two, she may be into dudes but not want to get married. Three, my intention is to raise her so she feel confident enough to do things on her own. Four, please get away from my kid immediately.

8. "Wow, he sure cries a lot. You'd better toughen him up or else people will think something is up!"

That "something is up?  Are you implying that people will think that my baby is gay? Because he's crying. Because he's a baby who is crying. The strongest men I know cry when they're upset, because they know that its healthy to let it out. It's the men who don't cry ever who are a bit concerning, don't you think? Because, don't like sociopaths not cry?

9. Calling a little boy "Boss" as a nickname and "Sweetheart" to a girl as a nickname.

Pardon, but put your thing down, flip it and reverse that. Like, this moment. I hate to burst your bubble, but I have proof that girls are also the boss. And it's because if it were up to me I wouldn't be hanging with a person who screams at me because they don't like the new shoes their mother picked out for them in this Target unless she was totally in charge. So clearly, my daughter is our boss. Also, sweetheart for a boy is totally acceptable and adorable, so maybe check out your insurance to see what your mental health coverage is and get yourself to a therapist stat. You got issues like woah.


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