Skip to main content

Sure, that kid sucks but his parents suck more!

I am the last person on earth to be all romantic about parenting. I mean, come on, when I was pregnant I thought "You've got to be fucking kidding me?! THIS is how the human race has continued? This is straight bullshit!"
However, now that I am officially an adult with a human of her own, I acknowledge that there are some pretty steady responsibilities that one should assume in order to assure that said human is safe and developing well. Some of those responsibilities include feeding and clothing them. Providing shelter and safety. Soothing them when they're upset and helping them learn right from wrong. You know, the basics.

If I may I'd also like to add to that very basic list the concept of not raising your kids to be pieces of shit who slam into other kids and vomit their sugary disgusting drinks all over the play area then run off leaving the next group of kids to discover it and probably sit and play in it anyway, because kids are inherently disgusting.

You know how that can be accomplished? If you STOP LOOKING AT YOUR FUCKING PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SHITTY SON WHO JUST DID ALL OF THOSE THINGS I JUST DESCRIBED IN THIS INDOOR PLAY GROUND YOU TWAT! LOOK UP! HE SUCKS!



Anyway, just a take it or leave it suggestion! I'm off to scoop up my kid wearing a hazmat suit and hose her off in the parking lot thanks to that disgusting petri dish of yours!
Bye now!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hi, my name is Amy, and I am a garbage mom.

I happen to be a part of the greatest Facebook mommy group of all time. It's filled with successful, interesting, hilarious and strong women who have kept me going on many an occasion. I can reach out to them about anything parenting related, no matter how small or embarrassing, and in almost every situation I get positive responses that are encouraging and helpful. Why does this qualify as the greatest mommy group of all time, you ask? Because this mommy group is a rare gem amongst the cubic zirconia's of social media life. It's an online community of women who actually support each other rather than tear each other down. More importantly, it's other moms who have been though the shit and we all can acknowledge that we are what is lovingly referred to as a "garbage mom", and I love them so much for it!

The term "garbage mom" is thrown around a ton in my mommy group, and I heard it again today as I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Why …

Welp, I'm Knocked Up Again

Yup, it's true. In fact, I'm super knocked up. 25 weeks along. It's happening people.

I'm due on April 12th and am having a boy this round, so I've been practicing for the event by having my husband surprise me by randomly peeing in my face when I didn't expect it. I need to work on my reflexes!

I'm kidding of course. My reflexes are already really good.

I found out about this one just like I found out about the last one: while I was drinking and having a great time, blissfully unaware that a human person was developing in my uterus. However this time I just knew. I knew something was different, was off a little. And I don't know why it occurs to me to take a pee test while gripping a vodka soda, but it seems to be my pattern.

When I started telling people I was pregnant again I got less "oh man, your life if over!" comments and more "well, at least you know what to do this time around!" That is not true in any form. I DO NOT know wh…

Into Emotional Cutting? Cool, Read The Giving Tree!

If there is one thing I know about myself it is that I simply can't eat an ice cream sandwich with any sort of dignity.

If there is a second thing I'm sure of, its that I am not emotionally healthy enough to handle the children's book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. That book sends me into a sobbing fit so powerful I need my inhaler to pull me out safely. Every time I open the book I am cutting myself emotionally, and this post is a cry for help.


If you're not familiar with this classic let me give you the cliff notes. It's about a boy and a tree. When the boy is young he loves the tree and hangs with it all the time, and the tree is so happy. They play and he climbs and he eats her apples and sleeps in her shade. The tree even allows the boy to carve their initials into her side that's surrounded by a heart. She loved this boy so much she allowed him to brand her permanently.

Things were pretty awesome for a long time, until the boy got a little older. H…