Opinions Are Like Assholes, Everybody Has Three...

Recently I logged onto Facebook and one of the first entries in the feed I see reads:
"Parents, stop giving your kids iPads, you're creating idiots!" followed by a bunch of emojis I didn't understand, but it looked like Christmas Tree, Face with Tongue Sticking Out, Hands.

I barely know the person who posted this, however I'm pretty sure that they themselves don't have any kids of their own at the moment. Childless adults are pretty quick to judge parents, and God knows I did it constantly before I had my kid. Some phrases I would regularly utter would be:
"Oh my God, how could you let your daughter out of the house like that! That's shitty parenting!"
"Jesus Christ, shut that kid up already! No one wants to hear them screaming in Target/this airplane/museum/etc!"
"Are you serious? An iPad for a four year old? See, this is why kids are so stupid these days! Nice work, awful parent!".

The first statement was in reference to when I spotted a 13 year old girl in a mall rocking shorts so short her butt hole was practically exposed. The second statement was something I would say any time I ever felt inconvenienced by a sound a kid would make, and the third was probably muttered under my breath on a daily basis.

It's very easy to judge when you don't have kids, probably because you still have enough room in your brain to allow judgment to seep in. Once you do have a child, that brain space is reserved for such thoughts as "oh no, did she just poop again? I changed her five minutes ago!" and "Get a haircut? What am I, the fucking Queen of England?"

I do feel that iPads and video games are not appropriate babysitters for your kids, nor does it replace your job as a parent. It's pretty clear that too much exposure to things like violent video games, movies and TV shows can be detrimental to their development and ability to focus, and also suggests that violence is okay in real life. I truly believe that kids need structure, stability and rules. But sometimes you just want to take a peaceful poop, and the only way to make that happen is if you plop your iPhone in their laps as a distraction tactic.

It may seem like a crazy concept to childless adults, but children aren't always going to behave the way you'd like them to. In fact, they're going to do whatever the hell they please, especially between the ages of 18 months to 3 years, and then again at 13 until forever. Did I just blow some minds?
Of course there are some terrible parents out there who don't give a hoot about guidance, rules, structure, health or providing that extra bit of fabric that covers their teens precious dirt button, but most of us are really great parents who are just too exhausted to fight with our toddler in a Macy's because she wanted to rip all the clothes off of a mannequin was wasn't allowed to do so(the nerve!).
Sometimes, in a pinch, an episode of Sesame Street cued up on an iPad is your only option to get anything done at all. So if a few moments of distraction is what you need, I say, let them eat cake! No seriously, cake works too sometimes, it's natures mute switch.

Look, I get it! When you don't have a kid you judge others that do because you just know in your heart that you would never do anything wrong ever, because duh, how hard can raising a human be, right? Just do the right thing! It's simple!

And it is! It's also simple for that 13 year old girl to wear something completely different to the mall and after her parent drops her off, she changes into that cloth strip known as "shorts", and that if a kid is crying on an airplane it may be because the pressure is hurting their ears, and that the iPad in front of that four year old may be the only thing taking their mind off of teething or a slight fever.


While I'm certain that this little rant won't change any ones minds when it comes to judging, maybe it can be viewed as a peek into a parents thought process. Perhaps the next time you see a kid with an iPad, or doing something gross like eating the rest of their frozen yogurt off of the floor in between nose and butt picks, shift your judgment focus onto something else, like Donald Trump.