I am so fucking tired right now you guys. As I type this I'm sitting on my filthy couch that's covered in various kid juices and secretions, several stuffed animals, ancient cracker crumbs and a variety of hair. The baby is sitting in his vibrating chair to my left. He's cooing and smiling in between fits of whimpering because he wants to breastfeed. He's cluster feeding, which is a sweet euphemism for "sucking the life out of my once perky breasts". As I try to give him a binky, he smiles at me, which melts my heart, then projectile barfs through his baby grin onto my last clean tank top. My three year old is digging into a box of cereal that I didn't know we owned. Where did she get those chocolate peanut butter Cheerios? She is sticking her hands in and out of the box, coating them in sugary goodness, then letting the dog lick her hands. If that wasn't gross enough, after he's done sopping up all the probably-really-bad-for-dogs flavors off
I have a new segment for this blog, and also my life, that I will call The First 15 . This is a play by play of every event that has taken place during the first 15 minutes of my day. My life now, as you will discover, is a complete and utter shit show from the jump. This is not a unique experience for most mothers, but I continue to be flabbergasted by how insane it all is, all the GD time. Enjoy. 6:43 am -I awaken to the dulcet tones of my baby screaming. He is laying right beside me in bed, because I was too tired to put him back into his sleep nest last night, so it's really f'ing loud. 6:44 am -I manage to shove my boob into his mouth so he stops crying, even though I'm fairly certain my exhausted, drained breasts have nothing more to give. I re-close my eyes, hoping to fall back asleep for a little while. But then... 6:44 am -My toddler, smelling an opportunity to rip sleep away from me, starts calling, nay, BELLOWING, my name over and over from her ro