holycrapimyourmom

This morning I was hanging out with my little girl. She usually watches an episode of Sesame Street while we get her ready. It's entertaining enough to keep her focus, and distracting enough for us to get her dressed without a struggle. Today though we actually had some leisure time as she wasn't going to day care and mommy was feeling lazy AF. I decided that maybe we could try something else, as it's gotten painful to re-watch Sesame Street over and over. I'm starting to become like one of those weirdo cinephile folks who can mouth word for word every line in some jaunty art film they worship. Except in my case it's not exactly high art but rather the episode where Elmo is learning how to ride his tricycle. I flipped through Amazon Prime to see if I could find anything interesting in the kids section. And interesting is exactly what I found. I stumbled across some old episodes of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and immediately put it on. I hoped my kid would be...

Recently at a store I frequent I had an interaction with the checker I always chat with. He's a nice guy, young, stoned, friendly. For a dude who's constantly baked his memory is impeccable. He always asks about my daughter, and our dog, Dave, and wants to hear about the thing I told him I was going to do the last time I saw him, etc. You get it. Just as I was about to say goodbye he asked if he could check out my engagement ring, since he was in the market and wanted some ideas! And even though I fucking hate it when other people do this, I squealed and jumped up and down a little bit. It seems it's an involuntary response. I asked about his girlfriend. Dude: "She's super cool, very chill for a Caucasian." Me: "Oh, that's good. Most white people are the worst." Dude: "She's like a hippie chick, but not a Vegan or anything." Me: "Thank God." Dude: "And she wants to have kids one day, which is awesome!...

"I truly believe that you should wear things that you feel 100% great in. If you are uncomfortable all day or don't feel confident about a look, don't ever wear it again. You don't have to wear all the trends. Find what works for you. " Amen sister! Though I have grown fond of my "momiform" of sweatpants and hi-top Vans on the average day, I have also been known to pull it together when I needed to! Luckily for us moms there is stylist and social media celeb Angela Fink who is proving being a mom doesn't mean you need to frump it up!  Check out this piece on her in Refinery29 , and learn how to pull your shit together in a jiffy while still ruling the world! Also check out her Instagram here . And while you're at it, check out my Instagram here and here . 

If there is one thing I know about myself it is that I simply can't eat an ice cream sandwich with any sort of dignity. If there is a second thing I'm sure of, its that I am not emotionally healthy enough to handle the children's book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. That book sends me into a sobbing fit so powerful I need my inhaler to pull me out safely. Every time I open the book I am cutting myself emotionally, and this post is a cry for help. If you're not familiar with this classic let me give you the cliff notes. It's about a boy and a tree. When the boy is young he loves the tree and hangs with it all the time, and the tree is so happy. They play and he climbs and he eats her apples and sleeps in her shade. The tree even allows the boy to carve their initials into her side that's surrounded by a heart. She loved this boy so much she allowed him to brand her permanently. Things were pretty awesome for a long time, until the boy got a...

I am obsessed with make up. It's a "I have a million products and I love it and I'm not slowing down, sorry children you may not go to college but at least Mommy is gorgeous!" kind of obsession. One of the things that kind of sucks about pregnancy is that while others are obligated to say you're glowing, in reality you may just feel like a sweaty, puffy mess. At least I do! I've been thinking about adding a little beauty hack stuff into this blog. Just products I've found that make me feel beautiful that I'd like to share with my other beautiful readers! So, without further adieu, I'd like to introduce a blog segment I'm calling: "Mom, Get Your Shit Together!" I'll try to do at least weekly product and beauty hacks that I've discovered that make life easier, not harder, and really make you feel great. Because let's be real, you can't drink yourself pretty right now, might as well do something to keep you occupi...

I happen to be a part of the greatest Facebook mommy group of all time. It's filled with successful, interesting, hilarious and strong women who have kept me going on many an occasion. I can reach out to them about anything parenting related, no matter how small or embarrassing, and in almost every situation I get positive responses that are encouraging and helpful. Why does this qualify as the greatest mommy group of all time, you ask? Because this mommy group is a rare gem amongst the cubic zirconia's of social media life. It's an online community of women who actually support each other rather than tear each other down. More importantly, it's other moms who have been though the shit and we all can acknowledge that we are what is lovingly referred to as a "garbage mom", and I love them so much for it! The term "garbage mom" is thrown around a ton in my mommy group, and I heard it again today as I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts...

My daughter is right smack dab in the center of being two and she knows it. She's learning and growing so much every day, saying new phrases and performing fantastical physical feats that just a month ago seemed impossible. She impresses the shit out of us all the time with all her new abilities, and she's pretty damn awesome. With the exception of this one new thing she's also started doing, which is mean girl-ing her mom on the reg. And it sucks. What is she doing? you may be asking yourself. Is she going through your high school journal and mocking your heart felt poetry that you scribbled after a hard break up with a guy whose name you can't recall these days?  Is she tormenting you by secretly calling up all your prospective employers anonymously and telling them you have a drug problem just to fuck with you and keep you in a lower income bracket? Is she slowly poisoning your food with arsenic so that you remain in a sickly state just so she can convi...