Skip to main content

My kid sucks at sharing and it's probably NOT my fault!

My kiddo is rounding the two year old corner in a couple of months and she is sassy as all get out. She's a dancing queen, big eater, adventurous and has a scream that has literally given my husband tinnitus. She kicks some serious ass.

Also, she thinks sharing is for assholes and is having none of it.

Sharing is a big thing in the real world. We are expected to share our feelings, our food, our money, and if you're some of my more fun friends, our partners. We have the concept of sharing tamped down our throats from the moment we are blinking and breathing, and we as parents are made to feel like real butts if our kids aren't good at it. And not always by other parents, but other kids.

The latest example of that took place recently at this charming indoor playground we take her to once or twice a week. It's super fun for kids and their parents, and not just because it has a bounce house BUT also free wi-fi and coffee! Nothing like getting all gacked out on some free Joe then rattling your brains around in a bounce house with tiny humans who have basically no control of their limbs or bowels. Super fun!

My kid is magnetic. She attracts other kids like a moth to a Moth storytelling event. Especially older kids, they love to hang with her. On this particular day there was an older girl hanging out there and the second she saw my daughter, she wanted to kick it with her. The two of them seemed be hitting it off beautifully, allowing me to indulge in some super Splenda'd coffee and Facebook jealousy. I was deep in the bliss of yearning for the success of some of my friends through their statuses, when I witnessed the beginning of the end for these future BBF's.

Now, without getting into the compelling details of the incident, the older kid, who's probably five or so, was playing with this plastic hamburger and bun at the fake grill. My kid joins in, the older kid handed the bun part over to my kid, my kid decides she's over this game and decides to hang onto it and play with something else. The older kid was appalled by this and wanted it back. My kid basically told her to suck it and kept the bun. The older kid marched up to be and informed me of this injustice, explaining to me why it was wrong.
"She's not sharing. She's supposed to share. Why doesn't she know about sharing? She should know that it's not nice to not share." Then she crossed her arms and looked up at me, waiting for some explanation to why my feral child has turned out like this.

I closed my Macbook and looked the girl in the eyes. I saw a brief flash of what may have just been youthful curiosity, but in my fragile state I took as accusation.

What I wanted to say:

"Uh, I don't have any answers for you kid. What are you really getting at? Are you insinuating that she's fundamentally fucked up because she doesn't want to share that stupid ass fake burger bun? Do you think there's a glitch in the system because of that week I tried several different kinds of mushrooms with a guy I had just met and somehow my poor choices when I was 22 has infused itself into my DNA and tainted her? Do you think it's my fault that she's not a good sharer?

Maybe you should ask her yourself, huh? Perhaps she's decided that you had enough time with the plastic burger bun, and furthermore, maybe she's exploring being a Vegan and hoping that you'll join her in a show of solidarity. There's also a chance that she somehow came across your family history and noticed there are some tendencies towards heart disease and diabetes and she's trying to, in her own adorable way, guide you away from the red meat and carbs now so that you can avoid dealing with that in the future. Did you consider any of that?

Or maybe, and this is a stretch, but it's because she's not even two yet and is completely unreasonable because she's not even two yet. Now can you please just let it go, play with something else, and let me get back to my Facebooking and self loathing? They have free wi-fi here, and I don't want to squander it!"

Of course what I really said:

"Gosh, I'm so sorry. She's younger than you and doesn't totally understand sharing yet, but thank you for being so patient with her. She'll probably be done with it soon, okay?"

Luckily that satisfied this little prosecutor for the moment and she went back out to play. And of course before I completed that sentence my girl dropped the bun and it was forgotten forever.
While the sharing crisis of 2017 was narrowly avoided that day I know I have an uphill battle before me.
Then again, I always have the option to NOT teach her about sharing and allow her to be a boss. I'm still deciding.


Popular posts from this blog

5 Things I Thought Were Atrocious Until I Actually Had A Kid

1. Leashing Your Child

The first time I saw a kid being restrained by a leash by his exhausted mother I thought it was either a joke, like the kid thought it would be a fun game to wear the dogs leash, or they simply weren't shy about child abuse. I thought "How in the fuck can you show your face in public walking your kid LIKE HE'S THE FAMILY PET?!" But now that my child is approaching the two's like a freight train outta hell, I'm not going to pretend that if you go to my drop down window you won't find a couple of links to places that sell these sweet babies!

2. The TV Babysitter

Before I had my baby I would view those moms who just plop their child in front of the tv and expect them to not grow up to be the kinds of adults who own ferrets and wear socks with sandals as neglectful. "You should be enriching them with art and literature! Classical music and constant engagement!" I would think, while smugly sipping my cold brew coffee and thumbi…

My Dad

Yesterday, July 5th, my dad, Richard Albert, died.

He was diagnosed with Parkinson's about 12 years ago and from that developed an insidious type of dementia called Lewy Bodies, which causes a lot of physical issues and accelerates the Parkinson's decline. Basically he was served a shit sandwich with a side of fuck my life.

My dad was a quirky guy with a weird sense of humor. He used to play with me by chasing me around the house with a hammer and pretend he was going to smash my little toes. He would pack our lunches with a dog treat that he carefully tin foiled so when we would open it up at lunch all the other kids would laugh and scream. He made us waffles with ice cream in the middle for breakfast and ONLY creamed corn for dinner. He drank buttermilk from the carton. And prune juice.

He was private. He would take hour long poops just to be alone and think. He was a scientist and mathematician. He was always trying to work out these insanely impossible to solve equations i…

10 Sentences I Never Would Have Said Until I Became a Mom.

My daughter is two now and really taking on the toddler thing full force. Don't let that sweet face fool you, she is a diabolical genius. This means everything she does is an even mix of hilarious, terrifying, rage inducing and adorable all at the same time. To date the hardest part of being a parent is keeping my child alive and out of the harms way that she places herself in regularly. Oh, and not laughing when I say these things. Cuz dang my kid is CUTE!!!

1. "Please don't use the nettie pot to drink out of."

She does this on purpose because she knows it makes me gag. It's disgusting.

2. "The dog doesn't like it when you punch him in his butt, please stop."

I mean, no one likes to be punched in the butt, but a 13 pound Yorkie REALLY doesn't dig it.

3. "Please don't store the grapes in your diaper, love."

Or do and I'll call Shark Tank because you're an innovator.

4. "Sweetheart, it hurts Mommy when you poke at and …