I love being a mom more than anything else, but I have to admit I do miss the old days when I was sort of on top of my fashion and trend game! However I’ve noticed that as of late, my mom friends and I are not only still on top of it, we are the trendsetters! Check out this list of current beauty and fashion trends that we have been doing already!
1-Fuller Eyebrows
Gone are the days of the thin, perfectly maintained brows that you plucked and waxed and threaded until all you had in the space between your eyes and your forehead resembled a John Waters ‘stache and the impression that you are always surprised. Now the look is reminiscent of a young Brooke Shields’ two fuzzy caterpillars sleeping peacefully.
Finding out that this was a new beauty trend was a lucky turn for this mom, because frankly I hadn’t paid attention to my eyebrows for about two years. At the moment I’m rocking a lighter version of The Peter Gallagher circa “American Beauty” and have been asked if I use a serum or go to a specialist for this look. When revealing my secret, I always lean in and whisper “A tidy combination of exhaustion and not giving a fuck. “
2-Unwashed Hair
“How often do you wash your hair?” my stylist asked me a couple of years ago. “I don’t know, two or three times a week I guess.” I replied. She sucked her teeth for a moment, shook her perfectly coifed head and said, “No more. Once a week at the most. It get’s good after five days and beyond!”
What some would refer to as “dirty, greasy hair” is now called “beach waves” or “sex hair”. Ever take a stroll through the Trader Joe’s parking lot in Silverlake? It’s nothing but a bunch of beautiful people with filthy locks enjoying their half-cafes with almond milk and discussing their next indie project inspired by Shia Labeouf. For moms however this look is simply referred to as “How I look now.”
3-Ombre Hair Color
To compliment your dirty ass hair are dark ass roots! Every hot chick in LA has this going on. They call this an Ombre, where the roots are dark and it gets lighter towards the bottom. You know, like how every mom of a small child’s hair is right now, except they don’t pay a gazillion dollars to get it done like that. Ladies, no need to spend all your money trying to achieve a look you naturally get by simply not having the time to go to a salon and sit for several hours reading magazines. I think they should change the name of this style to a “Mombre”. Who’s with me?
4. Natural Nails
In 2017 the trend is leaning towards either natural nails or something called gray scale, which in most cases is simply the top of the nail being painted in a color I can only recognize as “dirty water”, but I’m no expert! So basically it looks like a gel manicure that was done two months ago but you simply can’t find the time to go to the damn nail place so they can apply their magic potion in those tin foil witch finger things for 30 minutes for the color to be removed. This is also a look moms have rocked for a while called “I napped instead”.
5. Bush is back baby!
That’s right gals, you’ve heard the rumors and I’m here to confirm them. Grow out them bushes because spring has sprung! Gone are the days of having a stranger pour hot wax on your nethers to rip out all your pubes and give your vag the appearance of a freshly plucked turkey! Nowadays it’s all about hair down there! Most of the moms I know have been rocking out this full bush look since the 2nd trimester when their bellies got to be too big to bend over, and the amount of fucks that they gave in order to shave it whittled down to zero.
1-Fuller Eyebrows
Gone are the days of the thin, perfectly maintained brows that you plucked and waxed and threaded until all you had in the space between your eyes and your forehead resembled a John Waters ‘stache and the impression that you are always surprised. Now the look is reminiscent of a young Brooke Shields’ two fuzzy caterpillars sleeping peacefully.
Finding out that this was a new beauty trend was a lucky turn for this mom, because frankly I hadn’t paid attention to my eyebrows for about two years. At the moment I’m rocking a lighter version of The Peter Gallagher circa “American Beauty” and have been asked if I use a serum or go to a specialist for this look. When revealing my secret, I always lean in and whisper “A tidy combination of exhaustion and not giving a fuck. “
2-Unwashed Hair
“How often do you wash your hair?” my stylist asked me a couple of years ago. “I don’t know, two or three times a week I guess.” I replied. She sucked her teeth for a moment, shook her perfectly coifed head and said, “No more. Once a week at the most. It get’s good after five days and beyond!”
What some would refer to as “dirty, greasy hair” is now called “beach waves” or “sex hair”. Ever take a stroll through the Trader Joe’s parking lot in Silverlake? It’s nothing but a bunch of beautiful people with filthy locks enjoying their half-cafes with almond milk and discussing their next indie project inspired by Shia Labeouf. For moms however this look is simply referred to as “How I look now.”
3-Ombre Hair Color
To compliment your dirty ass hair are dark ass roots! Every hot chick in LA has this going on. They call this an Ombre, where the roots are dark and it gets lighter towards the bottom. You know, like how every mom of a small child’s hair is right now, except they don’t pay a gazillion dollars to get it done like that. Ladies, no need to spend all your money trying to achieve a look you naturally get by simply not having the time to go to a salon and sit for several hours reading magazines. I think they should change the name of this style to a “Mombre”. Who’s with me?
4. Natural Nails
In 2017 the trend is leaning towards either natural nails or something called gray scale, which in most cases is simply the top of the nail being painted in a color I can only recognize as “dirty water”, but I’m no expert! So basically it looks like a gel manicure that was done two months ago but you simply can’t find the time to go to the damn nail place so they can apply their magic potion in those tin foil witch finger things for 30 minutes for the color to be removed. This is also a look moms have rocked for a while called “I napped instead”.
5. Bush is back baby!
That’s right gals, you’ve heard the rumors and I’m here to confirm them. Grow out them bushes because spring has sprung! Gone are the days of having a stranger pour hot wax on your nethers to rip out all your pubes and give your vag the appearance of a freshly plucked turkey! Nowadays it’s all about hair down there! Most of the moms I know have been rocking out this full bush look since the 2nd trimester when their bellies got to be too big to bend over, and the amount of fucks that they gave in order to shave it whittled down to zero.
Comments
Post a Comment