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Dear GOP-Stay the Fuck Away from my Daughters Uterus

I started having sex when I was 15 years old.  I lost my virginity to some dude from a neighboring town of the Minnesotan suburb where I was living at the time. To this day I can't recall his name, but I think it started with a B...or an R. It was a letter of the alphabet for sure, so I'm a little closer to solving this case.
I was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. I was a Varsity cheerleader, had hideous clear brackets for my braces, and met this guy at the Mall of America in line at the Hot Dog on a Stick. He was 18 and we humped in the front seat of his '89 Corolla (how sad is that, right? I can remember his shitty car but not his name?!) after dating for a couple of weeks. We didn't use a condom, it was painful and irresponsible and the worst. Thinking back on that now I don't know why I was so eager to rid myself of that pesky old hymen, but apparently I felt strongly that it was holding me back.
Evidentially it was, as I went on to have sloppy, unsatisfying, awkward, embarrassing sexual encounters with a handful of other guys in my teens and 20's who make me shudder out of regret at the very thought of it. Ew.
Miraculously I never got an STD and I didn't get knocked up. I went on the pill and was on various forms of it for many years. When my lovely husband and I decided we would like to try to have a baby, I went off of it and got pregnant with our daughter, Bo, who is the light and love of our lives,

Though while, yes, it was a miracle that I didn't get knocked up, the truth is I didn't really worry about it one way or the other because I knew that an abortion was always an option. I was much more concerned with an STD (like, obsessed about it. Probably because I went to health class and freaked out about how many there are!!) and I knew that no matter how badly I messed up and with whom I messed up, it could always be fixed if I needed it to.

I know that abortion is a hot button for a lot of people, and I don't care to argue about that. This has nothing to do with whether or not you feel that a cell is a human and if abortion is murder or not. Everyone is entitled to their opinion on this subject (except for that weirdo asshole Twitter troll who Internet stalked me and kept making comments about how I "like the sound of babies being ripped out of the womb". I asked, "Does it sound like a Kenny G cover?" She responded with, "You're going to hell baby killer!" Boy do I miss her!) and I would never tell someone that their feelings are wrong.

I was very lucky I didn't ever have to get an abortion. Somehow between the drinking and the drugs and the bad decisions I made over and over again when I was young, I was fortunate in that way. While there were other bad things I had to deal with and apologize for, which includes getting a tongue piercing and owning a pair of Z Cavaricci Jeans, I didn't have to deal with that.  However the point is I knew that if I absolutely had to, I could and wouldn't have to ruin my life and the life of a child I would have no means or business caring for at that time until I knew that I was stable enough to provide that child with a solid and safe existence.

Now with the way things are in this garbage fire of a country thanks to DT, a woman's right to choose is being threatened. Which means my daughters right to choose is being threatened. Which means I'm ready to burn this mother fucker down. Chances are, even with my amazing, insightful guidance, structure and almost perfect parenting I plan to do throughout her life (cue laugh track), I have a sneaking suspicion that my daughter will fuck up on more than one occasion. I can't predict if it will be something small, like getting her nipples pierced, or something huge, like banging a member of One Direction accidentally. Shit happens. And while the idea of my perfect angel having sexual intercourse before she even has a drivers license makes me want to vomit all over my Mac Book Pro, the nightmare of the concept that in her lifetime we as a country and society would take such an epic step back in moral values and human rights that she couldn't fix both of those issues with some antibiotics and a doctors visit actually makes the bile rise.

So with all due respect, I'd like to request that the GOP and any right winger's who are living in the dark ages get their filthy paws miles and miles away from my daughters uterus, and even farther away from her choices. Unless you're ready for a big ass fight that this Mama doesn't intend to lose.


Comments

  1. Amy. You always manage to speak your mind and that's what makes you such a outrageously smart and funny and beautiful lady. Oh yes, talented too...why do I get the feeling that we both have kissed a lot of frogs before we found our Prince's... being able to make choices is a a basic right that I hope your daughter never loses as s result of this backward thinking administration we have now in our country....

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